Be the person you needed most

Hi again. What does it mean when I say "I want to be the person I needed most"? It is not a simple answer. First you need to decide what you needed when you were spiraling down, at the most low point, and fighting the good fight back to being whole again (If you have even reached that point yet). For me it was that I needed to be seen, I needed someone to hear me and know that I wasn't crazy, and I needed someone to just be there for me...not anyone else, just me. I have spent my life being the unseen person. I was middle child in my family. It is a real thing:

Middle child syndrome describes the psychosocial pressures felt by children who are not the oldest or youngest, often leading to feelings of being overlooked, invisible, and neglected by parents. While not a recognized clinical disorder, it is a popular concept reflecting how birth order can influence personality and behavior, potentially fostering traits like independence, adaptability, and mediating skills, alongside challenges such as lower self-esteem and attention-seeking behaviors.  

While I always (yes, I do not take that word lightly) felt unseen, less than my siblings somehow, not special in any way; I thought I had overcome these to be my own person. BUT, this feeling less led to my vulnerability to the narcissistic personalities in the world. They feed off these insecurities and build their manipulations around your weaknesses. Many times it has been thrown up in my face that I was less than my siblings, less than my co-workers, less than "the other" people in the narcissists life. It wore me down so much that I had lost all sense of who I was and what I wanted out of life. My "self" started revolving around the narcissist. Everything I did was to make this person happy. I didn't rest, I didn't sit down and relax with the kids, I kept going and going until I was exhausted. At that point I was downward spiraling and needed someone to help me realize I COULD rest, and I COULD just sit and relax for a couple of minutes.

At my lowest point, I understood that I had to leave the situation and ensure my children were in a safe environment, free from negativity and harmful treatment, as emotional and mental abuse are very real issues. I needed someone to understand with me and to support that decision. My siblings were understanding. One person said to me "I saw stuff I didn't like but didn't think it was my place to say anything" This cut deep. If I had known that I was seen, if I had known that others understood, if I had known that I wasn't "crazy" I would have gathered the strength to leave sooner....but I felt alone and scared so I stayed far longer than was healthy for my children. Just knowing that I was seen would have made the difference back then,

While I have been fighting back it has helped to have people who understand a bit of what I went through, who see me, who talk to me as if I am a person, who say they understand and they get why I had to walk away. Many of the co-friends still don't get why I left. They see "a great guy", "a generous friend", "a loving husband". Based on the narcissist's personality they were familiar with, they cannot comprehend who the person truly is. They are unable to see past the facade of civility and care that the narcissist shows to the world. I have not attempted to persuade these people otherwise.. That is for them to find out, they would not believe it any other way. I do not try to make them chose them or me. That is counterproductive to my healing. Someone seeing me, talking to me, just listening and not judging has helped tremendously. I am able to find myself again.

I am not fully whole again. That is going to take time and energy. I may never, fully, be the person I want to be but I am way closer than I have ever been.

If you need someone to just listen, someone to just see you, someone to know what you can be, drop me a line or get ahold of me via the link on this page. I am here to be the person you need most right now. Having been through it and working my way back I have a bit of experience. And if I cannot help, I have found all sorts of friends who can help where I cannot.

Hugs to all and prayers to those in need.